is this life?

some recent past events have forced us(me and my mother) to live together again. teh context is quite sad, it's really depressing, but as many said, i was HIS pride, and i will work and fight so that i will be the pride of HIM hence forth. i will continue the tradition of "Crisan" family, i will fight for national unity, for my future and for a safe-Romanian contry. i can assure you that he will not be forgiven, his name and life will be forever in my mind. it's just, i'm quite confused right now, i don't know which path should i take, wether i should let it all flow or fight for everything(because, as in the past, i'm an atheist and i believe only in me, not in any type of god). anyway, a new life has began, it's like a rebirth to me, i really feel like i will arise like a phoenix from the ashes.